Today I was sitting comfortably and trying to take a nap, when I heard my mom get excited. Apparently they told her she could "come into the hospital on Friday around 6 AM and get induced. " There it is again, that word. Induced. I finally found what the word means, and basically it means they are going to force me out of here! Well, not if I leave first. I've orchestrated a plan to slyly wait until we get to "The Baby Factory" that they call Northside Hospital.
See, while they go and check into the hospital, I plan on sneaking out. I have heard they have 200 plus rooms at this place, and that means 200+ babies. I can blend in, and then make my move. Once out, I can take advantage of the "MARTA". I hear if I took MARTA, I'd be there by now. So, my plan is to get there. Where? I'm not sure. But, whatever mother and father have in store, I plan on foiling their plans and getting out on my own. Pip pip!! See you on the coast!!
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Tops and Tails
Ugh. It's getting really cramped in here. I heard my parent's talking about me being "late". I'm not sure what they are talking about, but it seems to be the topic of conversation when people talk to my mom. I'm right here, I don't understand why they don't think I can hear them. They keep saying "I can't wait to see the little guy", and "Hey Jack, why don't you come out?", but like I said before, it's nice and comfortable in here, so I'm not going anywhere.
A lady put some gunk on my mom's stomach today at the Doctor's office. They used a machine to see me. I kept trying to dodge it, but I don't have very much room. They snapped a picture of my face. It's not my best side, but it's not too bad either.
One of my more embarassing moments of the day was when the technician snapped a shot of my package. It was bad enough back when I was 20 weeks old when they took one, but now my balls are HUGE, and I'm a little self conscious. Apparently my dad got a kick out of it though because he laughed really loud and said it looks like a snail.
After all that, I though we were done, but then my parents met with a women who said "if he doesn't come by Friday, go ahead to the hospital and we'll induce you". I've been scowering the internet trying to figure out what she means by "induce". So far though, I haven't found much. I'll keep looking though. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out what it is before they try to get me out of here.
A lady put some gunk on my mom's stomach today at the Doctor's office. They used a machine to see me. I kept trying to dodge it, but I don't have very much room. They snapped a picture of my face. It's not my best side, but it's not too bad either.
One of my more embarassing moments of the day was when the technician snapped a shot of my package. It was bad enough back when I was 20 weeks old when they took one, but now my balls are HUGE, and I'm a little self conscious. Apparently my dad got a kick out of it though because he laughed really loud and said it looks like a snail.After all that, I though we were done, but then my parents met with a women who said "if he doesn't come by Friday, go ahead to the hospital and we'll induce you". I've been scowering the internet trying to figure out what she means by "induce". So far though, I haven't found much. I'll keep looking though. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out what it is before they try to get me out of here.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
How to Feed a Baby
Today my mom and dad went to nursing class. After 29 years, you would think they would know what they were doing, but apparently not. Joyce was the lactation consultant and the class was filled with a United Nations of people. There was a Mexican couple, young couple, Lesbian couple, African American couple, Rich guy with young woman couple and a Chinese couple.
I couldn't make out everything Joyce was saying, but it basically had to do with my not eating very much in the first 2-5 days. What the heck? Do they seriously expect me to go through hours and hours of getting my head squished and contractions on my body and then come out and not eat much? Shows what doctors know. I can't wait for a chimichunga.
As usual my parents embarrassed me. My dad would giggle anytime they said the world "breast" and my mom got tired of Joyce (the nurse) putting a stuffed boob up to her chest. Personally, I enjoyed Joyce continually saying "put the baby to the breast, put the baby to the breast".
The video ended the day and creeped my dad out. He said he'd never seen so many boobs with babies attached in his life. While the video basically just recapped what Joyce taught, I laughed at the "working woman's pump". They showed a clip of a woman answering a phone and typing email while wearing a pump that attached to a corset looking apparatus on the woman. The picture is below. I pray to god my mom doesn't wear one of these. I won't be able to show my face around the playground for a month!!!
I couldn't make out everything Joyce was saying, but it basically had to do with my not eating very much in the first 2-5 days. What the heck? Do they seriously expect me to go through hours and hours of getting my head squished and contractions on my body and then come out and not eat much? Shows what doctors know. I can't wait for a chimichunga.
As usual my parents embarrassed me. My dad would giggle anytime they said the world "breast" and my mom got tired of Joyce (the nurse) putting a stuffed boob up to her chest. Personally, I enjoyed Joyce continually saying "put the baby to the breast, put the baby to the breast".
The video ended the day and creeped my dad out. He said he'd never seen so many boobs with babies attached in his life. While the video basically just recapped what Joyce taught, I laughed at the "working woman's pump". They showed a clip of a woman answering a phone and typing email while wearing a pump that attached to a corset looking apparatus on the woman. The picture is below. I pray to god my mom doesn't wear one of these. I won't be able to show my face around the playground for a month!!!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Position -2
So today I am 38 weeks old. My lungs should be good to go, although I won't be able to test them out for a little while. I'm kind of worried about breathing because this whole "oxygen in through the cord and CO2 out through the cord" thing is pretty sweet, so I'm not looking forward to handling this on my own. My mom's blood pressure was a bit higher today, probaby no thanks to my dad getting a bit nervous about me coming out soon. Some woman named Kelly came into the room at my mom's appointment. I tried to kick at her, but I'm upside down and my dexterity isn't too good yet. She told my parent's I'm apparently in "Position negative 2" and she doesn't think my mom will go "full term". HA! Shows what they know. I'm perfectly happy in here, and I'm not planning on coming out anytime soon. So they can take their "90% affaced, and 2-3 centimeters" and stick it behind their pretty degrees on the wall.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
